tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77379189133067046932024-03-05T16:36:20.760-08:00E-Spirations from Barbara BartocciReflections and ideas for living to uplift your day and help you discover more personal power and creativity just as I hope readers discover in my Grace-on-the-Go book series.Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-4015972334568728712014-12-10T11:31:00.000-08:002015-03-16T16:33:16.838-07:00What do others owe you?<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Nelson Mendella’s death has reminded us all of the power of <b>forgiveness.</b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And it reminds me of the spiritual motto I learned from my friend Don Campbell.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b><i>“No one owes me anything. But I owe all good to all people.”</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Twelve words that, if spoken from the heart at the beginning of each day, will help us “give up resentment in advance” as Don liked to say.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The word “resentment” means feeling indignation or anger because we perceive ourselves to be unfairly treated. Some hold onto the emotion for years.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Unfairness can be real. “My company let me me go two years before retirement.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Yet sometimes we’re operating from a quid-pro-quo mentality, a reverse Golden Rule: I'll be nice to you, and I expect you to treat me the </span>exact <span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">same way. </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But there may be there may be extenuating circumstances that we don't know about. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“I really needed her, but my friend wasn’t there for me.”<br />
Perhaps she was going through a difficult time herself. Or perhaps she has an inner weakness—an inability to empathize— that calls more for pity than anger.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“The business clerk treated me unfairly by not responding to my smile.” </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Perhaps he is just having a rough day. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Let us choose to relinquish our expectations that others should behave in a certain way. Instead, let us <b><i>choose </i></b>how we will respond. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">St. Francis prayed, “Let me seek to love, not to be loved.” </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Whatever the behavior, can we choose to live from a compassionate, loving heart? </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Will you try this? For one week say this motto at the start of each day:</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"<b><i>No one owes me anything. But I owe all good to all people.”</i></b></span></div>
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<b style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>T</i></b><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">hen watch—notice—how much better your days unfold.</span></div>
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Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-46417416423806761012013-11-01T11:56:00.001-07:002013-11-01T11:58:22.625-07:00Are you ready for the Time of Death?<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> <b> Americans hide from the reality of death, even though it is in everybody’s future. Today, on what Catholics call “All Souls Day” or “Day of the Dead” a new documentary is premiering on Showtime titled "Time of Death" which will take viewers inside the last days of a group of Americans with terminal diseases. It will show us all the reality of the dying process.</b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I have been there. </b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>In a span of only three years, I held the hand of three beloved family members at the very instant they died. The first was my father; the second, two years later, was my mother; and the third, a year after that, was my mother-in-law.</b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I felt blessed to be there in that moment. Even though I experienced the weeks leading up to death as hard; so very hard.</b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The process of dying is difficult, and often not pretty. The person has become a shell of the person you remember. There is a certain odor —not distasteful, exactly, but one that you will ever-after recognize. A person’s final breaths may sound harsh, raspy.</b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The morphine needed for pain control may render the dying person comatose, so you hold the hand of someone who no longer responds to your voice.</b></span></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0px; white-space: pre;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">And yet…and yet…the actual moment of release—when the soul or spirit or whatever the </span>essence<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> is that makes us human—when it leaves the body, it does so gently, like a small butterfly wafting away from its empty cocoon into the warm waiting light of God.</span></span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0px; white-space: pre;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Because I </span>experienced<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> this three times, I now feel a peaceful tranquility about death. As I ponder the moment of final passage, </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0px;">I recall </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0px;">the words of the poet Tagore:</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></b><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>“All the treasures I’ve gathered during my lifelong preparation, I’m now arranging for the last day, to give it all to death—the day death comes to my door.” </b></span><br />
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Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-64455442440102007902013-08-14T09:50:00.002-07:002013-08-14T09:50:26.551-07:00How to Sweat the Sacred<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">It’s hard enough to squeeze a physical workout into our busy days. How to add time for our spiritual side? Try this: combine the two.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Here are five ways:</span></div>
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<li style="font-family: Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Breathe slowly and deeply. ‘Inspire’ originally meant to breathe in the Spirit. As you inhale and exhale, say to yourself, “I release all negative toxins of anxiety, fear, impatience.”</span></li>
<li style="font-family: Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Open your fists. While you walk or run, keep your hands open to signify your willingness to surrender to your life as it unfolds moment by moment.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></li>
<li style="font-family: Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Add a word. Repeat a mantra word over and over while you exercise. It could be secular (Peace, Love) or from your religious heritage. (Jesus, Mercy. God be praised.)</span></li>
<li style="font-family: Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Exercise outdoors when you can. “Nature’s peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees,” wrote naturalist John Muir.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></li>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> These ideas are from my book, Meditation in Motion. To view on Amazon, go to link:</span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Meditation+in+Motion+by+Barbara+Bartocci">http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Meditation+in+Motion+by+Barbara+Bartocci</a></span></div>
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Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-14433551230123205932013-07-02T09:09:00.002-07:002013-07-02T09:09:39.025-07:00Rules to Follow Once You Hit 50<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">While preparing a talk I'm giving next week to a group of people older than 50, I came across the following In </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">my files. I pass it on with a smile.</span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">"Rules to Follow at the Age of 50 and Beyond: A Baker's Dozen" </span></div>
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<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Peace of mind (and a piece of property).</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">A will and a little Willpower.</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> A little black dress that makes you look five pounds thinner.</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> A sense of humor, style and purpose.</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> A good bra.</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> A good spa.</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">A library card (used often).</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">A credit card (used sparingly).</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">A personal relationship with God.</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">A personal trainer.</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The ability to converse on any subject without benefit of concrete knowledge or access to facts.</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">A friendship that has stood the test of time.</span></li>
<li style="color: #252525; font-family: Verdana; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">A dream, and a plan to make your dream come true. </span></li>
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Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-83199120604190948722013-06-14T19:08:00.002-07:002013-06-14T19:08:22.956-07:00Happy Father's Day to All<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">I'm posting the reflection written by my son Andy. It's a wonderful read for anyone who is a father, who loves a father, or who has lost a father. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">"Today marks a unique milestone in my life. My boy Braeden is exactly the age I was when my father was killed some 45 years ago. Braeden turned 5 on April 27th. I thought I would share some pictures from then and now and some reflections.</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;"><br /><br />Growing up I often got the question, “Do you remember your father”? The question always took me by surprise. Of course I remember him! My father was bigger than life to me. How could I not? But I realize I’m never really sure what is my memory or just an image of a story someone may have told me. What I remember is more of an overwhelming feeling of warmth, love, happiness, and comfort. I know he was a big part of my life.<br /><br />My sister once wrote that his death was like our childhoods had been split in two. On one side Daddy was alive and life was bright and sunny. On the other side he was dead and life was filled with grief and despair. My mother recently recalled how she became concerned when a teacher told her that when she asked me why I never smiled I replied, “I keep trying on different smiles but can’t find one that fit’s. I coped with imaginary phone calls to the Navy where they told me he didn’t really die. He was stranded somewhere on an island waiting for the Navy to pick him up. I couldn’t picture him dying because he was Superman. Every time I tried to visualize the crash he would always parachute out. In my imagination his body would be bigger than the airplane he flew. I’m not sure how long it took before I started to smile again but It seems like a long time. When the day finally came that I didn’t think about him, I remember a feeling of guilt. It felt like I had betrayed him. How could I let go? Overtime that feeling went away and life went on. I became a regular kid struggling to grow up like other kids. I stopped thinking about him constantly the way I did those first few years after he was killed.<br /><br />In my 20’s it started again. I thought about him often. I searched for answers and clues about who he was. I sought out men who served with him who could tell me something about his life. Maybe I was trying to disprove the myth in my mind of what a great man he was. After all, I was just a little boy. He couldn’t really be bigger than life. It felt like if I could just get a little more information maybe I would reach some “aha” moment. But more information didn’t fill that void. I came to the realization that my memories were fading and what I lost I would never get back. The paradox of losing a parent at a young age is that no matter how good your life is (and my life has been good), your life would have been so much better without that loss.<br /><br />In recent years I’ve discovered that I was wrong about never getting back what I lost. Someday I hope my children come to appreciate the gift they have given me. With the births of my two children, the memory I have of my father has flooded back into my life. Each day is an overwhelming feeling of warmth, love, happiness, and comfort. It feels like I’ve picked up where my Dad and I left off, just now my role is reversed. I find myself in endless pursuit of giggles from my kids. When I shout out in the car, “everyone who loves Mommy raise their hands”, I smile when I see their hands dart up to be first. I laugh when they climb over each other to jump onto my back to ride the “mechanical bull”. I cherish the moments and experiences we share on camping trips, outings to the beach, or just quiet moments early in the morning cuddling in bed as a family. My children have brought me back to a place I thought was gone forever.<br /><br />In the grand scheme of things we are all on this earth a very short time. Weather you die at 34 as my father did or live to 101 as his father did, life is what you make of it while you’re here. My father did a lot in his time. He pursued higher education, a career, adventure, and service to his country. But most of all he created a family and left a legacy of love and commitment for each other.<br /><br />After all these years, I’m still in awe of my father. Having my own children now, I have a greater appreciation for how hard it must have been for him to put himself in harm’s way every time he catapulted off a carrier or flew missions over North Vietnam. I don’t mind saying I’m half the man he is. I’m just proud to be his son.<br /><br />Tomorrow I’ll wake up and my boy will be a day older. He can climb into our bed and put his arms around me. I’ll still be here for both my children and I hope for many more days and years to come. I want them to know how much they mean to me for as long as I’m around. I will never take for granted how much I mean to them.</span>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-67168181023885555352013-05-27T12:37:00.000-07:002013-05-27T12:37:04.173-07:00How do we feel when a friend leaves us?<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">We have known each other for 35 years. And now she is leaving. </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Her eyes sparkle. She and her husband are moving to Colorado to be near their grown daughters. She wants me to share her excitement.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And part of me truly does rejoice for her. But at the same time, it's all I can do to hold back my tears. I feel bereft. <i>She’ll be gone.</i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We call that person who loses his father, an orphan; and a widow is someone who loses her spouse. But what of the person who knows the heartache of losing a friend? By what name do we call her? We have no special words; no rituals to express our grief. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Losing a friend can come at any age, but somehow the loss hits us harder as we get older. Maybe it’s because, as the old saying goes, “A good friend is like a tree; it takes a long time to grow one.”</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Our deepest friendships bring so much more than the social chitchat of people I call my “Friendlies.” Anais Nin wrote, ”Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">My friend and I have had such a special world. We tell each other things we tell no one else, not our husbands, not our children, not other friends. We share our mutual spiritual journeys. We feel safe to confess our foibles to each other. We laugh together! </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We comfort each other. </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">We easily say “I love you.”</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I know my friend will always feel deep affection for me, and I for her. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But it won’t be the same.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">She no longer will live 1.2 miles from me. No longer be someone I pick up to go places. No longer be the person I see almost weekly; the friend I know is “there.”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">So I remind myself, </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><i>Friendship is like</i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Intertwined branches.</i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>We grow toward the sun</i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> In similar fashion.</i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Our branches blossom.</i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>But we are not one tree.</i></span></div>
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Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-73360403648651687742013-04-27T09:40:00.001-07:002013-04-27T09:40:54.365-07:00How do you celebrate Mother's Day after your mom has died?<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I didn’t expect it when I passed the rack of Mother’s Day cards. But suddenly it hit me like a fist in the gut. “I can’t send one of these any more. My mom is gone.”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">She had died 6 months earlier.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Losing a parent is the one life passage that </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;"><i>all</i> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">of us experience. If our parent is at an age when death is more or less expected, the depth of our grief may catch us by surprise. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But, just as I nearly doubled over at the sight of a Mother’s Day card, we realize, “It doesn’t matter that she’s 90. She’s my mom! And she’s gone!”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Here are 3 ways to help you over the hurdle of that first Mother’s Day:</span></div>
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<li style="font-family: Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Honor other moms in your life. I now send cards to my mother’s sisters and my daughter and daughters-in-law; even to an older friend who’s been like a mom to me.</span></li>
<li style="font-family: Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Talk to those whose lives your mom touched: her friends, her siblings. Ask questions that you've never taken time before to ask. Learn to see her not only as your mom but as the special person she was to other people.</span></li>
<li style="font-family: Helvetica; margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Remember your mom is creative ways: three sisters I know go to their mother’s gravesite and share stories and laughter. Another friend always makes an upside down cake from her mother’s special recipe to serve on Mother’s Day. Another wears a ring that belonged to her mom.</span></li>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">After my parents died just two years apart, I wrote the book, </span><b style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>NOBODY’S CHILD ANYMORE: Caring, Grieving, Comforting When Parents Die</i></b><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> (Ave Maria Press, ISBN 1-893732-21-5) I wanted to offer compassionate help to other ‘adult orphans’ and I’m grateful to know it has been in print for 15 years. Perhaps the true stories--and the “steps forward” that accompany each story-- will be a help to you. You can find it on Amazon </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/" style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #021eaa; letter-spacing: 0px;">http://www.Amazon.com</span></a><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> or </span><a href="http://www.avemariapress.com/" style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #021eaa; letter-spacing: 0px;">http://www.AveMariaPress.com</span></a><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-38763645875292875412013-04-02T15:19:00.002-07:002013-04-02T15:19:45.548-07:00Why Today's "Lean In" was yesterday's Self Esteem for Women<br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In the 1990s---twenty years ago--I flew around the country giving business seminars for a major seminar company. One of the most popular topics was “Self Esteem for Women Professionals.” </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now comes the new best selling book, LEAN IN, by Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, which gives advice to women on how to become successful leaders. How to break the glass ceiling! </span></span><br />
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<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Be all you can be!</span></span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Climb high! Dare to risk!</span></span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Don’t be afraid!</span></span></li>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Yes, says Sandberg, although women are sometimes held back by poor public policies and inflexible organizations, mostly women hold themselves back. She gives tips on how women can rethink.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And guess what? I was giving the very same tips in the 1990s. Can it really be that we haven’t progressed in the last 20 years? </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As I pondered this, it occurred to me that perhaps certain basic attitudes and actions are ALWAYS necessary; but that we forget. So, periodically, we need to be reminded.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It is important to affirm our own abilities; to “color ourselves visible” (as I once titled a business article), to risk stepping outside our comfort zones, to pick ourselves up after failure, to realize our own personal best, to go for the top job if that’s our dream. </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Ms. Sandberg’s ideas are good ones. Click here to look at <a href="http://barbarabartocci.com/"><span style="color: #021eaa; letter-spacing: 0px;">http://www.leanin.org</span></a> </span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And also ask yourself, are you already following most of her ideas? I do think we should give ourselves credit where credit is due. </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What do you think?</span></span>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-76811008220147437932013-04-02T10:11:00.001-07:002013-04-02T10:11:42.592-07:00Are you taking time to feel the Mystery? I was a tourist, strolling along the shore of Lake Michigan, when I spied two dots of yellow bobbing on the water. Two women, their bright yellow kayaks enclosing them like fins, came ashore. One of the women--Louise--explained how she started kayaking.<br />
"I was an over-achieving workaholic, climbing the ladder of success, working 70-hours a week, with no outside life. And then I got cancer."<br />
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After a year of treatment, Louise had a "a whole different perspective." She began working reasonable hours and spending her weekends outdoors. Hiking. Camping. Eventually, kayaking.<br />
"My illness made me realize there's more to life than business achievement. There is a profound Mystery larger than and I. In my kayak, I feel as if I'm part of the boat, the water, the sky, the whole Mystery." She raised her arms, brought them down, raised them again. "I give thanks as I paddle."<br />
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"Paddle prayer?" I said.<br />
She smiled. "A good name for it."<br />
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So often we get sucked into the tyranny of the urgent. Sometimes it takes a crisis to remind us that --no matter how hard we might try--we are not in complete control of life's flow. Are you staying balanced? Don't over-focus on career. <br />
The next time someone says to you, "Don't work too hard," why not reply, "I won't."<br />
And then---<i>don't. </i><br />
Take time to experience--and appreciate--life's Mystery.<br />
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<i> </i>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-11547115820666298842013-04-02T09:56:00.001-07:002013-04-02T09:56:21.732-07:00Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-58745721598629266992012-11-20T07:41:00.001-08:002012-11-21T17:02:58.254-08:00Thanksgiving? Or Friendsgiving?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>Friendsgivi</b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 12px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b>ng.</b> </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">That’s the title Jeff and Chuck give to the annual November dinner to which they invite all their best friends. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I love that word and the idea it expresses...because friends give us so much.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">For some, they <i>become </i>family, taking the place of parents who are gone or siblings who live far away or relatives with whom we have little in common. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">How important are friends? Researchers at Johns Hopkins say that someone who lacks a circle of friends is more at risk health-wise than someone who smokes 15 cigarettes a day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Sometimes, life gets so busy that friendship lands on a lower rung after work demands or, if we’re parents, our kids’ activities. We may take longtime friends for granted, assuming they’ll be there when we need them, forgetting that true friendship is never a one-way street. E</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">very relationship in life needs nurturing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Maybe you won’t host a <b>Friendsgiving </b>party as Jeff and Chuck do. But is this a good time to think about the friends who enrich your life and to ponder how you might give back to them? </span></div>
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Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-13902183192423828982012-10-11T08:12:00.000-07:002012-11-20T07:44:58.041-08:00Tired of those women's magazine telling us How to Get Rid of Belly Fat?<br />
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>Last night I had dinner with women friends "of a certain age" and we lamented bodies that are more saggy than they once were.</b></span></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So when I reached home I pulled out the following quote from my book, GRACE ON THE GO: Quick Prayers for Determined Dieters. </span></b></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">A Prayerful Rumination While Sitting in the Hot Tub at the Ladies Spa</span></b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHmu-D0uwktjXjyneh05d6uejGCVh9Bkbe5jMCBaRwBpxfAj9ukilQrCbh1Cdwzmm-Yruf48owVFh59QN1H6V1OU6KQ5NVSliyStwA5y1s5xybMiNNmVOYzregx6c5FF7WoCrv7U8DqbQP/s1600/dieters+cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHmu-D0uwktjXjyneh05d6uejGCVh9Bkbe5jMCBaRwBpxfAj9ukilQrCbh1Cdwzmm-Yruf48owVFh59QN1H6V1OU6KQ5NVSliyStwA5y1s5xybMiNNmVOYzregx6c5FF7WoCrv7U8DqbQP/s320/dieters+cover.jpg" width="225" /></a></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Oh Lord, I almost didn’t step in </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">When </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I saw her sitting there. </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Look.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Her belly is smooth satin,</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Uncreased. Taut.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Unlike mine. </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Since my babies,</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Mine has a more interesting texture.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Waffle weave, </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Herringbone,</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Cablestitch.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">It’s as comfortable as an old sweater</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Whose pockets sag with treasures.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I need your help, oh Lord, </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">to celebrate </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The richness of my belly</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Whose fabric is so well worn.</span></i></span></div>
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Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-22110386341470251632012-10-02T10:09:00.004-07:002012-11-21T16:59:49.808-08:00Can you forgive a betrayer? <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: large;">Have you ever experienced a betrayal by someone you loved and trusted? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: large;">I have. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It felt like an earthquake: the very ground beneath me shook. The betrayer was my husband and as I realized that for the previous six months we had lived an intimacy that was actually a lie, I wept in anguished rage.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And yet...and yet...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Did I want to endlessly reside in a bitter web of anger? </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">At the National Institute of Healthcare Research, Michael McCullough, PhD, developed a four-step program to help people move beyond betrayal.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>Step 1</b>: Think about times YOU have hurt others. Were you deliberately trying to hurt?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>Step 2:</b> Recall when you have been forgiven. How did you feel when you needed someone’s forgiveness?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>Step 3:</b> Visualize your aggressor’s state of mind. Explain the hurtful event from his/her perspective.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>Step 4</b>. Try and go beyond the event itself to feel the imperfect humanness of your betrayer.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">As part of step 4, I began to pray each day the familiar <b>23rd Psalm:</b> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“The Lord is my shepherd.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Only I substituted plural pronouns, so it became </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“The Lord is <b>OUR </b>Shepherd, WE shall not want...” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Praying the entire psalm this way over a period of time</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">helped me restore a sense of shared humanity with my betrayer. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It helped bring into my heart an awareness that</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">WE-- both of us--dwell in the house of the Lord. And WE, both of us, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">are children of God. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Forgiving a betrayer does not happen easily. It takes time. And a willing heart.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Not for the betrayer's sake but for our own.</span><br />
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Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-32371096581240721942012-07-10T05:51:00.002-07:002012-11-21T17:00:17.409-08:00Revising your life story<div style="font: 16.0px Baskerville; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Our instructor at the writer’s workshop I’m attending-- a petite blonde novelist who has a wonderful habit of scrubbing her face with both hands when she’s making a point--is listing seven steps to take when revising your writing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">As she speaks, I have one of those “Aha!” moments, and I burst out, “Those are the same steps I took in my post-divorce therapy!” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The class laughs. But if revision means to re-vision--that is, to <b><i>see </i></b>differently--why shouldn’t the revision of one’s life parallel the revising of a written story? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">After all, your life<i> is</i> your story. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b>Here are the seven steps:</b></span></div>
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<li style="font: 16.0px Baskerville; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Be willing to change the way you see.</span></span></li>
<li style="font: 16.0px Baskerville; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Drop all previously held opinions, judgments, and beliefs.</span></span></li>
<li style="font: 16.0px Baskerville; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Step back and look at the bigger picture.</span></span></li>
<li style="font: 16.0px Baskerville; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Relax. (This might include meditation).</span></span></li>
<li style="font: 16.0px Baskerville; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Activate your intuition. (Is your subconscious speaking to you through dreams?)</span></span></li>
<li style="font: 16.0px Baskerville; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Invite higher ideas.</span></span></li>
<li style="font: 16.0px Baskerville; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Allow your new vision to emerge. </span></span></li>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">If you’re going through one of life’s transition periods, will these steps work for you?</span></div>
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Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-34440087642662667212012-06-21T19:58:00.001-07:002012-11-21T17:05:46.346-08:00Let's get real about our bodies!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHmu-D0uwktjXjyneh05d6uejGCVh9Bkbe5jMCBaRwBpxfAj9ukilQrCbh1Cdwzmm-Yruf48owVFh59QN1H6V1OU6KQ5NVSliyStwA5y1s5xybMiNNmVOYzregx6c5FF7WoCrv7U8DqbQP/s1600/dieters+cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHmu-D0uwktjXjyneh05d6uejGCVh9Bkbe5jMCBaRwBpxfAj9ukilQrCbh1Cdwzmm-Yruf48owVFh59QN1H6V1OU6KQ5NVSliyStwA5y1s5xybMiNNmVOYzregx6c5FF7WoCrv7U8DqbQP/s320/dieters+cover.jpg" width="225" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>“</b>Impossibly thin is so ‘in,’” my friend Donna sighed. “Why wasn’t I born when Reubens was painting his full-figured women?” Donna has a generous body, but though she’s a large woman, she’s not obese. She walks two miles a day five days a week, and easily lifts ten-pound weights. But Donna is obsessed with what her scale says, and hers says 172 pounds. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> Maybe that’s why I like Queen Latifah and actress Kathy Bates. Both stay physically fit, but their bodies are as robust as their talent, and they’re not trying to “skinny down.” Why can’t we acknowledge that beautiful bodies come in all shapes and sizes? And it’s <i>okay</i>!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">From my book, <b><i>GRACE ON THE GO: Quick Prayers for Determined Dieters,</i></b> here is one of my favorites:</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_169518816">A Prayer of YES!</a></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_169518816">Dear Lord, I say YES!</a></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_169518816">Yes to loving myself.</a></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_169518816">I am as you made me.</a></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_169518816">Unique. Extraordinary.Unparalleled. </a></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_169518816">Dear Lord, I say YES!</a></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_169518816">Yes to healthy eating </a></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_169518816">Being active.</a></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_169518816">Choosing right.</a></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_169518816">I surrender this area of my life to God.</a></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_169518816">Dear Lord, I say YES!</a></span></i></span></div>
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Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-69219048454198702742012-05-30T09:18:00.002-07:002012-05-30T09:18:35.523-07:00I like you anyway!<br />
<h2>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal;">A younger friend, going through one of those troughs that show up now and then in marriages, asked me for the secret to a long, full-filling relationship. </span></h2>
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So I asked my son--he and Tami have been married 26 years and seem more in love now than when they first married--and my daughter who has a deep, loving friendship with her husband of 32 years. <span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">My daughter said her theory about creating a long-lasting relationship is this simply statement: </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><i> “I like you anyway.”</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Because here is a great truth: each of us has habits of thought or behavior that inevitably irritate the special other in our lives. And ironically, it may be the very quality that most attracted us to the other! </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">My daughter is wonderfully artistic. She also tends to clutter. Her husband loves her artistry; but the way she fills every surface? Not so much. He, on the other hand, is addicted to ESPN sports shows, which she tries to tune out.</span></div>
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Ever said to your beloved,<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“You do this thing that makes me <i>crazy"?</i> Next time, add this little phrase: </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><b><i>“But I like you anyway.”</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-26790234649237642102012-05-28T08:48:00.002-07:002012-05-28T08:48:58.145-07:00What are you waiting for?Recently, I read “There are no tomorrows; only a string of todays.” How ironic that we grow up not realizing this. Instead, we are taught to dream forward. To yearn for some day. <br />
<br />
<b><i>Someday</i></b><br />
<br />
<b>WHEN... </b><br />
I am rich<br />
I am thin<br />
I am in love<br />
I am successfu<br />
I am secure <br />
<br />
<b>THEN...</b><br />
I shall be happy.<br />
<br />
But when someday comes, it is always <b>NOW.</b><br />
This very moment is all that any of us can be certain we have. <br />
If you think about your own life, you know this is true.<br />
<br />
Jesus said to the rich young man,<br />
“Drop what you are doing and follow me. Come <b>NOW</b>.”<br />
But the rich young man was afraid to let go. He said, <br />
<br />
<b>AFTER</b>...<br />
I have checked on my business<br />
Saved more money<br />
Met more of my goals <br />
<br />
<b>THEN.</b>.. <br />
I shall follow you.<br />
<br />
But the universal God is always saying to us,<br />
NOT when. NOT after. NOT someday.<br />
<b><i>Someday</i></b> is fantasy. <b>TODAY </b>is what we have.<br />
<b><br /></b><br />
<b>Do it. Live it. Experience your life. NOW.</b><br />
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<br />Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-13728523607864959942012-05-20T16:47:00.000-07:002012-05-20T16:47:07.988-07:00What do reunions tell us?<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My friend Jim Todd and I attended his 50th college reunion. As I listened to the bios being read and watched the grey-haired men and women stand and smile at former classmates, I wondered again: what is it about school reunions? Why get dressed up to renew your acquaintance with people you haven’t seen in 20, 40, even 50 years--and may not see again? </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I think the person we really meet at reunions is ourselves. In the faces and stories of others we see a reflection of our own youthful dreams. And we may ask: Has my life turned out as I once dreamed it would? </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Initially, some might say no. Most lives hold surprises. And inevitably, some disappointments. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But reunions can remind us also of how far we have come in our personal search for wisdom and greater understanding. Sometimes we learn the most from our greatest trials. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">It's certainly been true in my own life. So as I moved about at Jim's reunion, I thought, "This is fun, but oh, I'm so glad not to be as young and unformed as I was on the day of graduation." How about you? Would you say the same? </span></div>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-77889256173778892232012-04-23T09:24:00.000-07:002012-04-23T09:27:58.820-07:00Pride and Prison<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Here’s what Washington Post columnist Michael Gerson wrote as he reflected on the recent death of Watergate figure <b>Chuck Colson.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Pride is the enemy of grace, and prison is the enemy of pride.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Chuck Colson’s swift journey from the White House to a penitentiary ended a life of accomplishment — only to begin a life of significance. The two are not always the same.” </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><i> </i>In life, there are many types of prison. Some we build ourselves:</span></span></div>
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<li style="font: 15.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"> Self-medication through drugs or alcohol. </span></span></li>
<li style="font: 15.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">A co-dependent’s choice to live in denial rather than face a difficult realty. </span></span></li>
<li style="font: 15.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">The inability to break free of trying to meet someone else’s expectations.</span></span></li>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Pride is our jailer. We’re unwilling to admit, “By myself, I am powerless to change,” or “To become my true self I must tolerate someone else’s anger or disappointment.” Or, “Not I, but the Christ in me.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Twenty years ago, an experience took away my pride and forced me to rebuild my whole sense of self. It was painful, as I’m sure Chuck Colson’s experience with prison was. But with the help of God’s grace, I changed fundamental ways of thinking. Therapy, journaling, prayer, exercise, and friendship helped me become, not so much new, as <b>real.</b> The ‘real me.’ </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What about you? Are you in a prison of your own making?</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What must you do to break free? </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I hope you will think--and pray--about your answer.</span></div>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-13415843895952135252012-04-11T07:20:00.000-07:002012-04-23T09:29:09.626-07:00Love Story<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I’ve been away for a couple of weeks, visiting my elderly aunt and uncle, who are 92 and 97. Theirs is a wonderful love story.When they married, Lucille was a pretty middle-aged widow; Art was a 62-year-old shy bachelor who shared a smalltown home with his widowed mother and a dog.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"> On his 55th birthday, he looked in the mirror, and said, “Life is passing you by. You’ve got to do something about it.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">So Art overcame his shyness enough to get involved as a youth group leader. Then he started taking ballroom dancing lessons. On the dance floor he met Lucille. For a few years after they married, they went dancing five nights a week. To show his love for Lucille, Art began memorizing Shakespeare’s sonnets, quoting one to her each night at bedtime. Then he began to write poetry and discovered in himself a talent he didn’t know he had.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Art,” I said, “You’re the only man I know who has grown younger in spirit as you’ve gotten older in years.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">And that’s my message to all of us. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">It is never too late to change our lives. All we have to do is look at where we are, decide where we’d like to be, and put the change in motion. Is it easy? No.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Doable? YES. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Whenever Art and Lucille smile lovingly at each other, I’m reminded of that.</span></span></div>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-85511278298058212822012-03-20T16:16:00.005-07:002012-03-20T16:16:42.753-07:00What's your answer?<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“If a magic wand were waved so you could go back in life and make a different choice at certain junctures, would you want to?” That was the question recently posed by a friend. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">At first the answer seemed easy. A spontaneous “Yes!” </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">After all, who has not made an occasional poor choice? </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But on second thought...</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Our lives are created by the choices and decisions and actions we take and while some are wise and some are foolish, <i>all </i>contribute to who we are and who we are becoming. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I have occasionally wondered: what if I had not moved my children to the Midwest after their father died? What if we had stayed in California near their grandparents? Some painful experiences occurred in that transition. At the same time, my son and daughter grew up to marry fellow Midwesterners and create happy, long-lasting marriages. Their unions produced grandchildren I love. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Spiritual writer Ed Hays once wrote, “Accept </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;">all </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">circumstances as God’s mysterious way of guiding your growth.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Hmmm.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Life only moves in one direction: forward. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Perhaps a better question to ask is this: Have I </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;">learned </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">from the choices I made, both the good and the bad?” </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Have I grown? </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Do I like and accept who I am now? </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And especially: Am I prayerfully open to making choices today </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">based on</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> compassion and love? </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span></div>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-443697526062449372012-02-13T07:35:00.000-08:002012-02-13T07:35:35.712-08:00Six Quick Secrets to Better Balance<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Feeling a bit off-balance these days? Try some of these assignments f</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">rom a talk I am giving to sales professionals.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Arial Black';"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Secret number one: Know your mission.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Companies need mission statements, and so do individuals. Recognizing your life’s mission will help you put first things first.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your assignment:</span></b> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Write a personal mission statement. Keep a time log for the next 3 weeks and observe. Are you giving adequate time to your life's mission?<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Secret number two: Build a balance wheel.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Staying in balance means keeping all parts of our lives in sync: family * career * personal * spiritual * home * community.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your assignment:</span> </b></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Draw two pie charts. Mark one according to your ideal balance using the criteria above. Mark the other according to how you're spending time now. Note the difference.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Secret number three: Stay in the moment. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Give up multi-tasking. Do one thing at a time and notice what you are doing as you do it.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your assignment:</span> </b></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Choose one daily activity and do it slowly and consciously. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For example, take a shower very deliberately. Be aware of the soapy feel on your skin, the touch of the towel as you dry, the softness of lotion.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Secret number four: Let go the non-essential. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Release any activities or relationships that are no longer fruitful in your life. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Assignment 1</span>: </b> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Say no to requests that don’t fit with your mission.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Assignment 2</span></b></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">:</span></b> Acknowledge your own essential needs. (Not wants, but needs.) When our needs aren't met, we get resentful.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Assignment 3</b>:</span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;">List ten gifts of time </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">or energy you'd like to give yourself. Commit to making five of them happen in the next two months. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Secret number five: Delegate more. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Give your children the opportunity to become self-sufficient and build self-esteem by doing more tasks at home: clean their rooms, wash their own clothes, take a turn preparing family meals. At work, ask yourself if you're holding onto tasks that you could delegate.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your assignment: </span></b></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Delegate a task to someone--spouse, kids, or work colleague--that you have held onto. Notice what happens.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Secret number six : Worry less.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">There are two times not to worry: If you can fix the problem, stop worrying and go fix it. If you can't fix the problem, stop worrying because worry won't change anything.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your assignment:</span> </b></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> When you catch yourself worrying, say aloud the word "Stop!" Turn the worry into a problem to solve or into a situation that you are willing to accept. </span></span></div>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-39534080630226385532012-02-08T12:02:00.000-08:002012-02-08T12:02:02.083-08:00Are you cheerful Happy? Or both?Opera singer Beverly Sills, <a href="http://www.beverlysillsonline.com/">http://www.beverlysillsonline.com</a>/ had the nickname, "Bubbles." She was known for her cheerful attitude even in the face of private grief (Two of her children suffered disabilities). <div>
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“How do you stay so happy?” one interviewer asked. “Oh, I’m not always happy,” she replied. “I am always cheerful. There’s a difference.” <br /><br /> Yes, there is a difference. Happiness happens to us; cheerfulness is an attitude we can <i>choose</i>. And researchers have found that feelings follow actions: so if we act <i>as if</i> we’re cheerful, we will gradually become so. <br /><br /> Try it for a day: Respond in an upbeat manner no matter what the circumstances. I'd love to hear from you if you discover it makes a difference. I believe it will. </div>
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<br /></div>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-29907591372164577422012-01-19T09:18:00.000-08:002012-01-19T09:18:05.517-08:00Enthusiasm Takes You Further Years ago, when I went looking for my first job, wise advisers urged, “Barbara, be enthusiastic! Enthusiasm will take you further than any amount of experience.”<div>
<br /> How right they were. Enthusiastic people can turn a boring drive into an adventure, extra work into opportunity, and strangers into friends.<div>
<br /> “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm,” wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson. </div>
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It is the paste that helps you hang in there when the going gets tough. It is the inner voice that whispers, “I can do it!” when others shout, “No, you can’t.” <br /> <br /> We are all born with wide-eyed, enthusiastic wonder as anyone knows who has ever seen an infant’s delight at the jingle of keys or the scurrying of a beetle.</div>
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<br /> It is this childlike wonder that gives enthusiastic people such a youthful air, whatever their age.</div>
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<br /> At 90, cellist Pablo Casals would start his day by playing Bach. As the music flowed through his fingers, his stooped shoulders would straighten and joy would reappear in his eyes. </div>
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Poet Samuel Ullman wrote, “Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”</div>
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<br /> How do you rediscover the enthusiasm of childhood? The answer, I believe, lies in the word itself. “Enthusiasm” comes from the Greek and means “<i>God within.</i>” And what is God within is but an abiding sense of love -- proper love of self (self-acceptance) and, from that, love of others.</div>
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<br /> Enthusiastic people love what they do, regardless of money or title or power. If we cannot do what we love as a full-time career, we make it a part-time avocation: the head of state who paints, the nun who runs marathons, the executive who handcrafts furniture. </div>
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We need to live each moment wholeheartedly, with all our senses -- finding pleasure in a back-yard garden, the crayoned picture of a six-year-old, the beauty of a rainbow. Don't waste tears on “might-have-beens.” Turn tears into sweat by going after “what-can-be.”</div>
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Enthusiastic love of life puts a sparkle in our eyes, a lilt in our steps and smooth the wrinkles from our souls.</div>
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</div>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737918913306704693.post-26079944172430356242012-01-09T19:55:00.000-08:002012-01-09T19:55:29.526-08:00How high is your A. Q.?Long before researchers came up with the idea of E.Q.--Emotional Quotient-- I coined the phrase<b> <i>A. Q.</i></b> or <b><i>Anxiety Quotient. </i></b> <br />It’s my observation that people appear to start life with a built-in level of anxiety--like an inner bucket which we fill to the brim whether our anxiety is about terrorist attacks, earthquakes, or “OMG, are people gonna notice the zit on my chin?” <br /> <br />Another name for people with high A.Q. is Worry Wart. It’s the mom who drives her kid crazy by insisting, “Take a jacket. Just in case.” <br /> <br /><div>
Or the wife--in this case, a friend of mine--who told her new husband, “Honey, call if you’re going to be late coming home because if I don’t hear I go from late to death.” <br /> </div>
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Or the micro-managing boss who anxiously hovers over every project assigned to a subordinate. <br /> <br />High A. Q. can paralyze. We cling to what we know. We huddle in our comfort zone. We turn away from anything new. Or different. We fail to see the power of expanding horizons. We don’t risk. <br /> </div>
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Is your A.Q high, low, or in between? To lower it, start small. Keep a journal for a week and jot down what makes you anxious. Reread it a week later. Notice how few of your worries actually came to pass. <br /> <br />As for me, I try and remember what Jesus said to encourage his disciples not to be anxious: <i><b>"Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"</b></i></div>
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To learn more about the book on Emotional Quotient, go to <a href="http://www.Amazon.com/">www.Amazon.com</a></div>Barbara Bartoccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15138714838409811423noreply@blogger.com0