E-Spirations from Barbara Bartocci

Are you cheerful Happy? Or both?

2012-02-08T12:02:00.000-08:00

Opera singer Beverly Sills, http://www.beverlysillsonline.com/ had the nickname, "Bubbles." She was known for her cheerful attitude even in the face of private grief (Two of her children suffered disabilities).

“How do you stay so happy?” one interviewer asked. “Oh, I’m not always happy,” she replied. “I am always cheerful. There’s a difference.”

Yes, there is a difference. Happiness happens to us; cheerfulness is an attitude we can choose. And researchers have found that feelings follow actions: so if we act as if we’re cheerful, we will gradually become so.

Try it for a day: Respond in an upbeat manner no matter what the circumstances. I'd love to hear from you if you discover it makes a difference. I believe it will.

Enthusiasm Takes You Further

2012-01-19T09:18:00.000-08:00

Years ago, when I went looking for my first job, wise advisers urged, “Barbara, be enthusiastic! Enthusiasm will take you further than any amount of experience.”

How right they were. Enthusiastic people can turn a boring drive into an adventure, extra work into opportunity, and strangers into friends.

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm,” wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson.

It is the paste that helps you hang in there when the going gets tough. It is the inner voice that whispers, “I can do it!” when others shout, “No, you can’t.”

We are all born with wide-eyed, enthusiastic wonder as anyone knows who has ever seen an infant’s delight at the jingle of keys or the scurrying of a beetle.

It is this childlike wonder that gives enthusiastic people such a youthful air, whatever their age.

At 90, cellist Pablo Casals would start his day by playing Bach. As the music flowed through his fingers, his stooped shoulders would straighten and joy would reappear in his eyes.

Poet Samuel Ullman wrote, “Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”

How do you rediscover the enthusiasm of childhood? The answer, I believe, lies in the word itself. “Enthusiasm” comes from the Greek and means “God within.” And what is God within is but an abiding sense of love -- proper love of self (self-acceptance) and, from that, love of others.

Enthusiastic people love what they do, regardless of money or title or power. If we cannot do what we love as a full-time career, we make it a part-time avocation: the head of state who paints, the nun who runs marathons, the executive who handcrafts furniture.

We need to live each moment wholeheartedly, with all our senses -- finding pleasure in a back-yard garden, the crayoned picture of a six-year-old, the beauty of a rainbow. Don't waste tears on “might-have-beens.” Turn tears into sweat by going after “what-can-be.”

Enthusiastic love of life puts a sparkle in our eyes, a lilt in our steps and smooth the wrinkles from our souls.

How high is your A. Q.?

2012-01-09T19:55:00.000-08:00

Long before researchers came up with the idea of E.Q.--Emotional Quotient-- I coined the phrase A. Q. or Anxiety Quotient.
It’s my observation that people appear to start life with a built-in level of anxiety--like an inner bucket which we fill to the brim whether our anxiety is about terrorist attacks, earthquakes, or “OMG, are people gonna notice the zit on my chin?”

Another name for people with high A.Q. is Worry Wart. It’s the mom who drives her kid crazy by insisting, “Take a jacket. Just in case.”

Or the wife--in this case, a friend of mine--who told her new husband, “Honey, call if you’re going to be late coming home because if I don’t hear I go from late to death.”

Or the micro-managing boss who anxiously hovers over every project assigned to a subordinate.

High A. Q. can paralyze. We cling to what we know. We huddle in our comfort zone. We turn away from anything new. Or different. We fail to see the power of expanding horizons. We don’t risk.

Is your A.Q high, low, or in between? To lower it, start small. Keep a journal for a week and jot down what makes you anxious. Reread it a week later. Notice how few of your worries actually came to pass.

As for me, I try and remember what Jesus said to encourage his disciples not to be anxious: "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"

To learn more about the book on Emotional Quotient, go to www.Amazon.com

What's Your Right Brain Doing These Days?

2011-12-31T19:45:00.000-08:00

Recently I read My Stroke of Insight by brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor who suffered a massive stroke at age 37. It wiped out her left brain hemisphere, where we hold language and linear reasoning skills.

When only her right brain was functional, she discovered an incredible sense of the present moment and a feeling of peace and oneness with all, which is what mystics and spiritual gurus achieve through meditation.

Dr. Taylor is now fully recovered, but her stroke changed her. While recognizing that we need our left brain linear thinking skills, she encourages others to side-step negative left brain emotions such as anger and jealousy by choosing otherwise.

“The more aware I remain of what my brain is saying and how these thoughts feel inside my body, the more I own my power in choosing what I want to spend time thinking about and how I want to feel,” she says.

I made similar discoveries after a major life trauma in the early '90s shattered my psyche. Although not physically caused, I needed counseling to rebuild my broken sense of self. In the process, I became more conscious of my thoughts and actions, and learned how to non-judgmentally observe myself and be more accepting, compassionate, and loving. Toward myself and toward others.

I recommend Dr. Taylor’s book. http://www.mystrokeofinsight.com

Or learn more about my favorite presentation topic: “The joy of self-discovery: Getting to the heart of who you really are.” http://www.barbarabartocci.com/talks.asp

New Year, New Weight Loss Resolutions?

2011-12-24T08:27:00.000-08:00

For many of us, the first of January means the inner diet genie emerges. "Gonna lose those holiday pounds," we proclaim. If we can be healthier by changing certain habits, we should do it---but let's make sure we're motivated, not by self-dislike ("I hate the way I look!") but rather, by loving self-acceptance.

After all, self-acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stay where you are. Our bodies are precious gifts and a blessing from our Creator. They can help us as we seek the Holy.
Let me quote a prayer from the pages of my book,
GRACE ON THE GO: Quick Prayers for Determined Dieters.

A Prayer of YES!
"Dear Lord, I say YES!
Yes to loving myself.
I am as you made me.
Unique.
Extraordinary.
Unparalleled.
Dear Lord, I say YES!
Yes to healthy eating.
Being active.
Choosing right.
I surrender this area of my life to God.
Dear Lord, I say YES!"

“O GodHelp meTo believeThe truth about myselfNo matter How beautiful it is!”(by Macrina Wiederkehr, from Loving Yourself More, AveMaria Press p. 31)

A Cat's Tale

2011-10-24T13:44:00.000-07:00

Lessons in life come in odd guises sometimes.

My son and daughter-in-law in San Diego owned a cat, a large gray and white puss named Oliver. Alas, Oliver began peeing on their furniture. After trying everything they could to stop the habit, they finally turned Oliver into an outdoor cat, something you can do in San Diego’s climate.

Every morning they put out food and water, but Oliver is never allowed inside. Recently, while visiting, I was sitting on their patio when Oliver appeared and jumped in my lap, obviously wanted to be petted. As I stroked him, he began to purr, and I thought: how sad. He likes to be held and loved, but chose behavior destined to lose the very thing he craves. And I wondered: don’t some human beings do the same?

Our actions inevitably do have consequences. If we want to receive love, we must act in a manner that considers the needs of others. Thank you, Oliver, for reminding me of a tough but necessary truth.

Quick Encounter

2011-10-05T04:32:00.000-07:00

There is a gift in simply being present with someone, even if the encounter lasts only 30 seconds. When I make eye contact with the supermarket clerk or my table waiter, my eyes say "I see you. You are not a thing to me. Or merely an appendage to the cash register. You are a person."

As we rush through our days, let us stay conscious of each interaction. Remember that everyone we meet is a God-holder. Honor each person with eye contact and a smile. It doesn't matter if the person smiles back. We're offering a gift, not a trade.

A caregiver's grief

2011-03-26T05:55:00.000-07:00

Riza is 33. Her husband Tod has early-onset Parkinson’s disease. She told me, “I am grieving the loss of our dreams.” Their dreams of having children, of watching Tod's career expand, of continuing activities they previously enjoyed—like hiking and camping. Riza is feeling caregivers’ grief: the relentless on-going process brought about, not by a loved one’s death, but by the changed aspects of life.

Caregivers’ grief seldom comes in a neat, orderly package: you might feel tearful and hopeful at the very same time. Your emotions can take as many twists and turns as your loved one’s illness. Sometimes you'd like to run away from it all.

Riza's Prayer: O Lord, as I travel this journey

I did not choose,

Strengthen me to cope with the messiness.

The turmoil.

And most of all,

Comfort me and my loved one.

Help us to bear our tears.

Fear of Flying

2011-01-26T09:39:00.000-08:00

   Diana and Paul, my Colorado friends, own two dogs and a large parrot. One day their parrot escaped their house and flew to the top of an Aspen tree in their back yard. But the silly bird, though it knew it could fly up, didn’t realize it also had the power to fly down. Diana stood outside for 20 minutes cajoling until finally--nervously and very gingerly—the parrot crept down the tree, claw by claw, branch by branch.
   Even as I laughed at the story, I wondered: how often am I just like that silly parrot? How often do I fail to use all the power I possess? When we hold ourselves back, avoiding risk, it’s usually because we’re afraid.
   But as E. Hubbard wrote: “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.”
   Scripture says, “Be not afraid.”
   A modern philosopher put it this way: “Feel the fear--and do it anyway.”
   Next time I feel afraid to take a legitimate risk, I’m going to think about that silly parrot. And instead of limiting myself, I’m going to spread my wings and fly.
   How about you?

What are you waiting for?

2010-12-07T07:18:00.000-08:00

I call December the month of waiting. Remember when you were a child? It seemed as if the wait for Christmas morning took FOREVER.

You had a wish list. Something special you hoped would be under the tree. Maybe your family--as my daughter’s family did--held “tree time” at night, when you would turn out all but the Christmas tree lights and sit together in the magical dream of the holiday.

Or the holy-day, because for church-goers, December is also about another kind of waiting: when you light a candle each week to observe Advent, marking the time before the birth of the Christ child.

Notice how important the word “child” is in describing December’s waiting time? Not only in December, but all year, let us honor the child within ourselves--and to remember
a child’s eyes are open to see miracles,
a child’s heart is open to experience joy, and
the Christ child--”The Christ in me”--is forever being born again when we pay attention to those around us in a loving compassionate way.

A Laugh a Day?

2010-10-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was hired to give an upbeat funny talk at the 40th birthday of a lovely lady who lives in Kansas City.

As I worked on stories for my talk, I referred to some notes I’d kept from a hilarious speaker named Jeanne Robertson, who tells stories in a Texas twang from her own life and who is so funny that, as she might put it, “I laughed so hard my water broke and I wasn’t even pregnant.”

At a workshop for members of the National Speakers Association, Jeanne encouraged us in a habit that I think everyone would benefit from --including you.

Said Jeanne: “Before you go to bed at night, think of at least one amusing experience you had that day.”

Oprah has told the world that it’s a good thing to make a daily list of our gratitudes, but how about also looking consciously at what is funny in our lives?

Here’s why:

Laughter reduces stress and anxiety. Ever tried looking sad when you’re engaged in a hearty belly laugh?
Humor shifts perspective. It helps us see situations in a less threatening, oh-poor-me light.
A sense of humor has something in common with a suit of armor: it protects us from the slings and arrows of each day. It can be a good friend when the going gets tough.

TRY IT FOR ONE WEEK. See if you can find one amusing episode in your life every single day. Jot it down. At the end of the week, notice how you are feeling about life in general. A bit happier and less stressed?

The Gift of Memory

2010-09-05T04:54:00.000-07:00

My son Andy was 18 and in college when he sadly said to me, "Mom, I don't have any of my own memories of Daddy. I was too young when he died. All I have are the family stories." His statement shocked me. It made me profoundly aware of what a gift memory is.

Right now, I'm enjoying the memory of a wonderful week spent with friends in the Colorado mountains. What are some of your special memories? Getting your child ready for the first day of school? A spontaneous "date" with your spouse? A much-longed for trip you were finally able to take?

Sometimes we get so busy multi-tasking that we don't pay attention--we literally don't notice--our own memory-making moments.

Today, resolve to pay attention. Notice. And right now, take a moment to recall some of your own special memories. What a gift they are!

2010-08-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

I’ve been remiss in writing my blog this past month--and for a good reason, I think. I went to Colorado to a wonderful Women’s Fitness Camp and left my computer and smart phone behind.

Years ago, my friend Don Campbell, a man who truly walked his spiritual talk, said to me, “If you want a relationship with someone, you have to invest your time: the same thing holds true for a relationship with God. Start your day with an hour of prayer.”

In these days of addictive texting and Face-booking, when we can easily spend an hour (or two!) checking our Facebook messages, it’s worth asking: “Do I care enough about my day to day relationship with God to spend at least as much time communicating with my Creator?”

In between hiking and biking and yoga and water aerobics at the Fitness Camp, I found it spiritually renewing to walk among the trees and gratefully ponder for an hour all the gifts in my life that have come from the great universal force of Love we call God.

Notice how much time you spend on Facebook today. And then, ask: “Can I spend at least as much time in prayerfully building my relationship with God?”

A Psalm For traveling along the Way

2010-07-06T06:41:00.000-07:00

The path winds before me
Curving, hidden in parts
So I do not see where it turns.
And how easy it is to fear I will
Stumble or take a wrong turn.

Yet lifting my eyes upward,
Above the trees I see the sky,
blue and sun-tipped.
And in the dazzling brightness,
I step out in faith
Knowing I will not stumble for long.

Knowing that God is at my right hand
And at my left foot.
Above me as the dazzle.
Below me as the humous.
And when I walk with God
I never walk alone.

The Real Thing: Celebrating July 4th

2010-07-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

American Reality is shaped by the freedom
into which all of us are born.
No more than we can experience what it is
to be a jellyfish can we understand
the reality of tyranny and non-freedom,
for we have never experienced what it is.

Our Constitution is more than our birthright.
It is our birth channel, for from its articles and amendments,
its freedoms and guarantees, we American are formed.

Nowhere on this globe can we find
a more perfect vision of freedom than the vision that
you and I got up with this morning.

And probably didn't even notice.

Pedaling my prayer

2010-06-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

Last week I “pedaled my prayer” on a five-day, 385-mile bicycle ride up a few hills and down again through the Fox River Valley in Wisconsin, from Watertown to Green Bay and back. Sixty-two riders breathed in the fragrance of Wisconsin’s dairy farms, waved to the black and white cows in the fields, admired the lush green tidiness of the state, and tried to laugh off the drenching rain on one of our days of riding.

I was a little worried at the start: Could I manage to bike 68 miles a day?

As it happens any time we successfully step outside our comfort zone, I felt a great sense of accomplishment when I did manage, even on the toughest day when we faced the big 3: hills, headwinds and heat.

And I truly did pedal my prayer because bicycle tires going ‘round and ‘round remind me of prayer beads, and it was easy, as I pedaled, to fall into the cadence of “Jesus, mercy, Christ, have mercy.” Or, “God loves me, Jesus loves me.”

Think about a time when you stepped out of your comfort zone and succeeded in something you weren’t sure you could do. I remember a woman who attended one of my women’s talks and who said to me afterwards: “I found the courage to start law school at age 42 once I discovered I could stand on my head in yoga class.”

Whatever the accomplishment, we feel, “Hey, if I could do this, why I can do that scary thing over there.” And isn’t that how we grow, psychologically and spiritually, throughout our lives?

What's so amazing about Grace?

2010-05-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

I've been rereading What's so Amazing about Grace by one of my favorite authors, Philip Yancey.
He reminds me that the root word for grace in Greek means "I rejoice. I am glad" and that we receive grace as a pure gift, not something that is earned.

I grew up as a military brat and as a Roman Catholic girl child in the 1950s--two very powerful authoritarian environments where you were expected to "earn" your way--and where "rank hath its privileges" whether it was a military rank or an episcopal rank.
But really, when you think about it, isn't the entire American culture rank conscious?

It has taken a looooong time to understand what Jesus was talking about: that Grace exists and comes to us as pure gift. We do not earn it. It often enters our lives as serendipity. Or as hope--"that thing with feathers" as Emily Dickinson said.

I think the Creator reminds us of the existence of grace whenever we walk into nature and see the wild and wondrous colors assigned to flowers, fish, and fowl...and the almost infinite variety in the shape of leaves and insects. It's as if the message is shouted: "Look! Look at this incredible world I have bequeathed you. Rejoice and be glad!"

All we must do is open our eyes so we can see. So we can see the many gifts of Grace that come our way every single day.

A Bicycling Metaphor for Your Next Challenge

2010-04-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

The cyclist next to me faltered. “I can’t go any farther,” she gasped.A 30-mph headwind and 94-degree temperatures had turned our 76-mile hilly ride into the ride from hell.

It was the fourth day of RAGBRAI, the annual 500-mile bicycle ride across Iowa, which attracts nearly 10,000 bicyclists from around the world in July. It still surprised me to be there. But the break-up of my 20-year-marriage had surprised me too.

Divorce is so common these days that it’s easy to forget how devastating it feels to go through one. To cheer me up, a friend had encouraged me to join a cycling group that met every Saturday.

I found two-dozen cyclists hunched over skinny-tired road bikes, wearing black spandex bike shorts and helmets with miniature mirrors attached. Their shoes clipped onto their pedals. Whoa, I thought, these are serious cyclists. Sure enough, the leader said they planned to ride 40 miles that day.

I had to quit after ten.

But I liked bicycling. So I bought a used road bike and showed up the next Saturday. My bicycle buddies became a supportive community, and bicycling, with its physical demands, helped me cope with the pain of divorce. But could I manage a 7-day, 500-mile ride across Iowa?

At first—no problem. The air was rich with the fragrance of sweat, manure, hogs, flowers and barbecue. There was a visceral sense of being in the moment. Then came that awful day of headwinds, heat, and hills.

When I finally staggered off my bike, after 12 hours, another cyclist, who had ridden ten times across Iowa, said, “Man, today was the toughest day I’ve ever had.”

The toughest day? My shoulders straightened.

My divorce had just become final. And suddenly it hit me: If could cycle Iowa on the toughest day, why, I could re-cycle my life after divorce.

That’s what is special about athletic endeavors. Indeed, about any activity that takes us out of our familiar comfort zone. They help us realize --”Wow, if I can do this (you fill in the blank), why, I can do that. (your next challenge).”

Remind yourself now: What tough thing have you accomplished? Whatever it was, it means you can successfully face your next challenge. Count on it.

Death and Taxes? How about Prayer and Taxes?

2010-04-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

If "April is the cruelest month" as the poet said, then April 15 can seem like the cruelest day. It's the day we pony up and pay our taxes. I had a throwback moment myself--a moment of acknowledging some financial truths. Even a moment of scarcity thinking.

And then I reminded myself of the truth I wrote about in my book, Prayer to Ease Money Worries.

"True prosperity is not about money or things. It's a way of living and thinking, of noticing the wealth we already have that goes way beyond money." So as I send off my tax form, I smile and say thanks: thanks for health and loved ones and friendships, and daffodils--and also...

...thanks for roads and bridges and schools and all the things my taxes pay for that I am blessed to have and sometimes take for granted.

Discovering "sermons on the mat"

2010-04-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

My friend Tom Jacobs likes to end the yoga classes he teaches by having his students lay in a circle on their mats while he dims the lights. Then Tom, too, lies down, and as music plays softly behind him, he speaks quietly for several minutes about the connection between yoga and the rest of life.
One of his students, with tongue in cheek, dubbed these talks SERMONS ON THE MAT.
Tom laughed as he told me that, and his eyes crinkled in smile lines. Tom teaches yoga six nights a week, and to him, it is “prayer of the body.”

The word yoga means union, and for Tom, that ‘s what life is about: finding union with God, whatever way that union expresses itself to individuals. As the son of a Jewish father and Catholic mother, he early accepted the idea that God is larger than any doctrine.
I agree.

With a yoga instructor like Tom Jacobs, we do more than stretch our bodies: we stretch our souls. I salute Tom. He is in the Kansas City area. Go to this website.

Daring (gulp) to Disconnect?

2010-02-05T10:45:00.000-08:00

Sign on the road to a Buddhist monastery in the Colorado mountains:
“Drive more slowly.
Road gets harder.”
I juxtapose those words with the PBS Frontline episode I watched last week titled “Digital Nation” where everyone is multi-tasking like crazy, always connected to someone somewhere via smart phone or computer.
I wonder: Is it possible to disconnect-- to occasionally travel more slowly in today’s increasingly rushed world? One of the MIT students interviewed for Digital Nation claimed that she can work efficiently while simultaneously juggling five tech connections. Yet a university study has shown that in fact, multi-tasking does not make us more efficient, we just THINK it does.
Life, like roads, can get harder as we go along; a little more challenging.
Taking time to sit quietly in prayerful meditation can give us the inner strength we need to face challenges.
I wonder: if you’re under 30, do you think you could handle 30 minutes of quiet without being connected? Maybe that same question applies to over 30, too.
Here’s a challenge: Try it!

What's Coming Next?

2010-01-31T19:27:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of January, I had dinner with a half-dozen women friends. Afterwards, with some fanfare, our hostess handed out magic markers and small white tiles, each about an inch and a half square.

“What is your word for this new year?” she asked. We were to write the word on our tile and keep it with us for the next 12 months. Various words were selected--”trust” “focus” “patience” “faith” “success”--but the one I liked best is the word NEXT.

Depak Chopra once said, “What happens in life is neither good nor bad, it is simply next.” In years past, I was too quick to call an event “bad” if it didn’t match what I had hoped --or expected -- would happen. But I’ve learned that even painful experiences can take on transformational meaning over time. So this year, I'm willing to be surprised. I'm going to open my eyes and my heart to whatever comes next.

What about you?

Feeling stressed?

2009-11-30T08:30:00.000-08:00

Does the following speak to you? I'm quoting from my book,
GRACE ON THE GO: Quick Prayers for Determined Dieters

Okay, God, here’s the way I feel right now.
Like the inside of a clothes dryer.
All hot and bothered.
With my ‘stuff.’
Worries and fears and stress, oh my
Are tumbling and tossing around
In my mind until
It makes me dizzy.
When I feel like this, I don’t want to pray.
Prayer is just one more stressor.
Who has time or energy
To hallow your name?
(I’m being honest now.)
When I’m stressed,
I wish someone would hallow me.
Help me open the door of this dryer, dear God,
So I can cool down, and then maybe
Pray my gratitude
For all the good in my life.

Having fun with little ones

2009-11-30T08:21:00.000-08:00

Is there anything more rewarding than a visit with grandchildren?
How thrilling to see four-year-old Isabella run toward me, arms open, eyes alight, shouting, "Grammy!"
And to say to sixteen-month-old Brady in the time-honored, peek-a-boo singsong style, "Where's Grammy? Where's Grammy?" and have him point to me.

Visiting with grandkids in their home city did mean I got behind in writing my E-spirations.

But I gotta say it was worth it.

Pictures on the Piano

2009-10-25T14:20:00.000-07:00

“Look! I’ve turned into my grandmother,” said my friend Glenda, gesturing toward the many framed photos on her walls and bookshelves. “I thought it was so tacky the way Grandma cluttered the top of the family piano with photos. Now I’m doing it.”

I smiled. “Me too.”

At some point in life, almost like a primal urge, we start surrounding ourselves with reminders of family.
Why do photographs matter so much? Why do people whose homes are destroyed by fire or flood weep the most for their lost scraps of Kodak paper?

Because memories fade. Your toddler’s impish grin, caught—just so—on a certain day may not stay in your memory bank. And have you ever blurted when coming across a 20-year-old photo, “Oh, I’d forgotten all about that!”

For many of us, our refrigerators become colorful art galleries. My friend Dots calls it her visual collection of begats. “It’s like the Bible says: “Frank begat John who begat Sarah who begat Kim who begat my adorable grandson Timmy.”

Have you ever walked into a house where family photos are missing? You become aware of a certain emptiness, subtle but real. Where are the framed reminders of the begats: the connections of one generation to another?

A divorced friend said sadly, “My angry ex-wife cut me out of every family photo. I felt as if she’d cut me out of my place as daddy to our children.”

Another couple didn’t take photos in the early years of their marriage. When the husband died unexpectedly, his widow grieved because she had no visual reminders of their happy early years.

Framed photos are never tacky. They’re loving reminders of all that binds us together. When I look at two framed photos of my now deceased parents, hanging next to photos of my grandchildren, I’m reminded of the blessed continuum of life.

Is now a good time to display some of your family photos?

When your personal world fills the screen

2009-10-18T08:51:00.000-07:00

All of us focus on our own particular worlds, inevitably insulated to a certain degree from what’s happening in the larger world around us.

After publishing nine non-fiction books, I’m now writing a novel. I have followed the adage, write about what you know, so it’s a story about Naval aviators and their wives in the late sixties. Forty years later, those years are history, so I’m supplementing memory with some research.

And I find myself amazed at events that made headlines but seemed to pass me by at the time. For instance, in 1968 Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated. There were riots among cities’ black populations. Vietnam War protestors tangled in a bloody melee with the Chicago police at the Democratic Party convention.

But in 1968, my world was focused on my husband John, a Navy fighter pilot who was deploying on his second combat cruise to “Yankee Station” off the coast of Vietnam.

During my husband’s earlier deployment in 1967, his squadron had lost a fourth of their pilots, so there was a fearful awareness that our three young children could lose their daddy.

My attention was so focused on the personal impact that the Vietnam War had on my life that news of the murder of two national leaders failed to imprint me.

And at the end of August, 1968, my worst fears were realized: my husband was killed while flying a night mission, his body lost at sea. What did I care then about the Democratic convention? All I remember about the rest of that year is cataclysmic grief.

Isn’t this true for most of us? If there is a calamitous personal event --if your child dies or you get divorced or you or your spouse loses a job or you learn you have cancer—other world happenings fade into shadows “out there.”

No need to feel remorseful if you realize, months or years later, “Wow. How come I paid so little attention to [the earthquake in China, the hurricane in Mexico, the warring tribes in Pakistan, or…fill in the blank]

When trouble spills over in our lives, we must recover our own strength before we can find the strength and compassion to pay attention to the larger world.

The question is not, “What is happening out there?” but “How do I recover in here, in my heart and soul?”

The power of commitment

2009-10-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

My brother Rob and Holly have been together 15 years. Yet last week, as I watched them exchange marriage vows, my heart fluttered with reawakened awareness. What power there is in making a commitment—out loud and before the world.

Whatever the relationship is that calls you---whether to a man, to a woman, to an ideal, to a vocation, to a community---until a public commitment is made, until you say “YES” out loud, you are merely showing a certain degree of interest. When you’re interested in something, you adhere to it only as long as circumstances and pleasure calls you.

Ah, but a public commitment says, “Listen up, world. I’m in this for the long haul: when it’s easy and happy and even when it’s tough and difficult. Whatever the future may hold, I will hold steady.”

There is strength and power in making a commitment. Is today a good day to ask yourself, “What am I committed to?"

All About Poop

2009-09-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

I was at fault. And I told her so.

I had offered to walk a girlfriend’s little dog while she was away, and being a novice, forgot to take along what every conscientious dog walker should have: a bag for poop. Sure enough, little Mitzi unloaded on the corner of a householder’s yard.

The householder was outside clipping her bushes. When she saw Mitzi’s dirty deed, her eyes narrowed, her jaw clenched, and waving her shears, she marched my way.

I tried to intercept. “I don’t blame you for being angry. I’m so sorry! Would you have a plastic bag or just a piece of newspaper? I’ll pick it up right now.”

Oh no! The householder didn’t care that I was sorry. I should have brought my own supplies! I was a disgrace! My dog was a disgrace! She’d had enough of dogs pooping on her lawn! I should go home, get my own bag, and come back to pick it up.

“But I’m three blocks away. If you would just have an old piece of newspaper…the want ads maybe?”

No, no! Absolutely not!

She was more than angry. More than furious. She was enraged! With her imprecations ringing in my ears, I slunk away with Mitzi.

But after I delivered Mitzi, I went back. With a poop bag in hand.

The poop had been picked up.

I rang her doorbell. Timidly I held up my bag. “I did come back…”

Through the screen she snarled, “Too late! I picked it up! But it’s not fair!” Slam!

Whew. The householder's rage seemed to go so far beyond the actual incident, that I began to wonder. At a deeper level, could she be responding to a different reality?

Maybe she’d been going along, living her life, clipping her bushes, just trying to be a good person when suddenly, into her life had come some unexpected
s - - t. Something she felt she didn’t deserve! That wasn’t fair!

It can happen to us all, can’t it? In big and small ways. A boss lays off workers. A spouse asks for a divorce. Our investments disappear. Or a strange dog poops on our carefully tended lawn.

Those are times when we do want to scream, “It’s not fair! I don’t deserve this.”

But maybe the best that any of us can do—-really ---is to simply pick up and go on. If we let rage get the best of us, we won’t hear if someone says “I’m sorry” or “I’d like to help.” And then, no matter who actually picks up the poop, we will still be holding it in our hearts.

Can You Take a Day Off?

2009-09-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

Every so often you hear something described in such a way that it makes you sit up and take notice. It happened when my friend Brian said, “People say that Americans are afraid of leisure. Of taking time off from work. But it must go deeper than that. Otherwise why would God, speaking through Moses, have felt all humans needed to be ordered to take a day off?”

Sure enough, for those who follow the Judeo-Christian path, there it is: one of the Ten Commandments: “For six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. Keep it holy.” In Genesis, even God took the seventh day off to rest from his work. (Gen 2:2)

For 3 weeks, I observed myself to see how well I keep this Commandment. Am I willing to let one day in my crowded week be a day to be lie fallow? To step away from my constant connections to social media and the internet? To set aside my “Things to Do” list?

What I saw is this: though I took time for church, I was a busy bee after that. Running errands. Catching up on housework. And connecting on line, of course.

Yet Holy Leisure, by giving me a break from my primary work, offers an opportunity to become a more Whole human being. It’s a time in which my soul can steep itself in being, not doing.

One of my biggest challenges has been giving up my compulsion to go on line. Instead, I’m trying to feel “okay” about turning off my computer for a day. (Is that your gasp I hear?) To feel okay about taking a Sunday nap. Or putting my feet up and reading a book. Or, if I exercise, to do it out of doors where I can experience God’s beautiful natural world.

I’d love to hear from others who have decided to “Keep holy the Sabbath.” And especially from anyone who might be joining me in shutting down their computers for a day!

Let's make today a random day!

2009-08-19T08:21:00.000-07:00

Here's an interesting fact about horses: a horse at random is one with all four hooves momentarily off the ground. Photography has verified this phenomenon. For that tiny random instant, you might say the horse is flying.
Mostly, we use the word “random” in a different way, referring to something happening by chance, without design, unplanned.
Every so often, I find that I am so wholly engaged in an action that I am lifted beyond myself. It is a joyful feeling and seems to occur when, like the galloping horse, I have committed myself totally. Though I don’t feel it is something I can plan, perhaps I can create the circumstances by giving myself totally—without fear or reservation--to what I am doing.
Let’s make today one in which we find ourselves joyfully at random!

Daring to fly

2009-08-13T09:23:00.000-07:00

Diana and Paul, a 30-something couple in Colorado have no children, but they do have two dogs and a large parrot. While I was visiting this summer, their parrot escaped their house and flew to the top of an Aspen tree in their back yard. But the silly bird, though it knew it could fly up, didn’t realize it also had the power to fly down. It was frightened. Diana had to cajole and cajole until finally--very gingerly and carefully—the parrot crept down the tree, branch by branch.
Even as I laughed, I wondered: how often do I fail to realize I have the power to fly? It can happen to us all. The Apostle Peter, while walking across the water toward his Master, Jesus, was suddenly clutched by fear. Immediately he lost his power.
My year-old grandson stood and walked as he pushed his toy lawnmower. But he didn’t yet realize could walk without holding on, so away from the toy, he dropped back to his knees and crawled.
It may seem scary at first to dare to spread our wings and fly. But if we don't dare--if we don't trust--how will we learn what power resides within us---just waiting to be tapped?

Taking life as it comes

2009-06-08T05:48:00.000-07:00

Last winter, I was put on a six-weeks’ wait for surgery on my knee. It meant I had to reschedule a speech I’d been invited to give in another city.
At 4 p.m. on the Friday before surgery I got a voicemail message: my surgery was postponed a week.
Oh no! A delay would interfere with my travel plans.
All weekend I stewed. In an endless loop, I mentally argued why I needed my surgery on the original date. Why it wasn’t fair to make me wait longer. How my flight had a nonrefundable ticket. By Sunday, I had a giant chip on my shoulder. Except….
Except that sometimes we hear the right words just when we need them. In church on Sunday, Fr. Bill McVay said “We lock ourselves into suffering by wanting things to be different from what they are. When something isn’t going your way, ask God to help you be open to what is.”
Those words helped me enter the surgical scheduler’s office on Monday with a different attitude. Calmly, I explained the problem of my non-refundable airline ticket.
The scheduler was sympathetic. Another doctor’s mother had died unexpectedly, so his colleagues were picking up his cases. "But let me what I can do,” she said.
She managed to get me back on my original schedule.
Would that have happened if I had angrily stormed into her office? Would she have tried so hard on be behalf?
It’s okay for us to try and affect an outcome. But ultimately, life is what it is. Peace comes when we learn to accept that.

Fall 7 Times, Stand Up 8

2009-06-01T19:50:00.000-07:00

Last week, I visited my two little grandchildren in San Diego. Brady is an adorable baby, and right at that age between crawling and walking. I watched him stand up, take a tentative step, and then plop! Down he'd fall on his well-padded behind. But he didn’t cry, he just pulled himself up again. Babies don't get discouraged. They never say to themselves, "See? This proves it. I'll never walk." To babies, falling is merely part of the learning process.

Watching Brady reminded me of a prayer in my book, Grace on the Go for Young Moms.
I titled it “Fall Seven Times, Get Up Eight.”

Watching a baby learn to walk
Is a gentle reminder that God doesn't count
The times we fall, either.
Help me remember that in the Creator's eyes
I am judged no more, no less
Than a baby who is taking first steps.

The courage to get lost

2009-05-05T03:52:00.000-07:00

I think the world is divided into two groups: those who have a natural sense of direction and those who don't. I am definitely a don't. Which is why Betsy Betros amazes me.Betsy deliberately gets lost and then tries to find her way home. Betsy practices the sport of orienteering, and on any given Saturday, will show up in some woodsy area where participants are handed a map and given an end point, but have no idea how to get there. "You find where you are on the map, then create your own route to the next point. At every point you make a new decision about which way to go until you reach the end," she explains.
It occurs to me that we all do that. In life, we reach this turning point or that,and have to make new decisions about which way to go. I love what Thomas Merton wrote in a prayer, "Ultimately I trust that God will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it."

An Inspiring birthday story

2009-02-21T06:56:00.000-08:00

I have had a wonderful birthday week---friends and sibs and kids all remembered my special day. At a “girlfriends” party, each of the 20 women guests shared aloud their favorite birthday memory.

My favorite story came from Ruth. Twenty years ago, she was new to the city, and had just accepted a job as the Religious Formation Director at a local church. On her birthday, Ruth didn’t yet know any people to celebrate with. But at about ten that morning, her doorbell rang. Standing outside was the pastor of the church where she had started working. He waved toward a red convertible at the curb where three women passengers sat, all waving to Ruth. “I noticed in your personnel file that today is your birthday,” he said. “So I invited three of our parishioners that I think you’ll enjoy knowing, and I’m taking you all on a birthday picnic.”

Sure enough, Fr. David had packed a picnic lunch and he and the four women enjoyed a splendid outdoor feast at a popular local park. Where did he get the convertible? He rented it! Did Ruth and the three women connect as friends? “We’re good friends to this day!” she said.

Here’s a question for you: Do you know someone who is about to celebrate a birthday? At any age, we love to be remembered on the anniversary of the day we were born. Maybe now is a good time to phone or send a birthday card.

A Quick Way To Give Up Resentment---Before it Occurs!

2009-02-11T11:12:00.000-08:00

Today, while I was in the fitness center’s swim pool doing a water walk, a swimmer hopped in to share the lane. He was a splasher! And as his splashes hit me, I felt a moment of irritation, quickly followed, I am thankful to say, by this thought:

"No one owes me anything. But I owe all good to all people.”

I learned this years ago from my friend Don Campbell, who started each day by saying those words aloud. “It’s like giving up resentment in advance,” said Don. Instead of holding on to expectations for another’s behavior, we only hold on to an expectation for ourselves.

One of his favorite examples is a trip to the grocery store. “So, the checkout person is irritable? Hey, she doesn’t owe you a smile. But you’re going to smile at her because that’s the way you want to live.”

This morning, Don’s words reminded me that the swimmer didn’t owe me a non-splashy swim. I could simply turn my head as he swam by, and smile in a friendly way when I left the pool.

And the swimmer smiled back!

Try these words as you begin your day. It might give you a new way to respond to a whole host of petty irritations.

Sacred Scrabble, Anyone?

2009-01-31T02:29:00.000-08:00

My spousal partner Jim and I have fallen in love—with Scrabble. We’ve been playing a game nearly every night for the past two weeks. As I think about the way we create words and look for new combinations of letters on the Scrabble board, it reminds me of the way WORDS power our lives.
Each day we reach out to others—a family member, work colleague, friend, store clerk—using words to communicate our needs, desires, hopes.
Sometimes we discover that the words we’re using don’t quite connect with another’s needs, desires, hopes.
It’s a little bit like Scrabble. I might have a perfectly good word but if it won’t connect to another player’s word or if it’s too big for the allotted spaces, the word doesn’t do me any good. I need to re-arrange the letters on my tiles until I find a word that will fit.
I don’t get emotional when a Scrabble word doesn’t work; it’s a game, after all.
Why do we get so emotional—angry, hurt, defensive--- about the words we use to communicate with another? Today, if some communication of mine isn’t working, maybe I can think along lines of Sacred Scrabble, and find within myself the grace to laugh, shrug, and re-arrange what I say until I do make a connection.

Can prayer ease money worries?

2009-01-26T13:41:00.000-08:00

I hope so! I believe so! And my latest book, GRACE ON THE GO: Powerful Prayers to Ease Money Worries which will be published in April, 2009 by Morehouse Press (an imprint of Church Publishing)contains many hopeful prayers for readers.
Here is one of my favorites: 19 easy-to-memorize words which I hope can act as a daily reminder for how to think and act around all that you have. I call it

The Simple Living Prayer
Clutter less
Pray more
Consume less
Give more
Want less
Enjoy more
And always, always, give thanks to God.
Copyright@Barbara Bartocci

Does wishing make it so?

2008-09-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

Isabella, my three year old granddaughter, said to her daddy, “Put on your shoes, Daddy, and let’s go get Grammy at the airport.” How sweet, I thought, when my son Andy emailed me her comment. She wanted to see me!
But here’s the rub—I wasn’t at the airport.
A month ago, though, when Isabella put on her shoes,climbed into her car seat, and her daddy drove to the airport---there was Grammy! So Isabella figured that all she had to do was repeat her actions and Grammy would appear.
She’s at the age when children think, “If I cover my eyes, nobody can see me.”
We grown-ups chuckle at children’s mistaken understanding of the way the world works, but it occurs to me that sometimes we do the same thing---especially where God is concerned.
If I pray, “Oh Lord, please make such-and-such happen in my life,” and it doesn’t happen, [If Grammy isn’t at the airport], I may sigh and say, “Huh! Jesus said, ‘Ask and you shall receive,’ but look, I did ask and I didn’t receive. Guess that proves it, prayer doesn’t work.”
Nooooo. If Isabella doesn’t see Grammy when she wants to see her, this doesn’t mean Grammy will never appear. It means Grammy comes on her time frame, not Isabella’s.
And we need to be clear about what we are asking God for. Am I motivated to call into play God’s kingdom on earth? ["Your kingdom is come when your will is done"] Am I praying to be open to God’s will—rather than my own? To believe that God has my greater good in mind?
Or am I merely “wishing” and calling it prayer? Like a little girl who thinks she can wish her Grammy into being there?
Maybe this is something to think about.

A Bicycle Meditation

2008-08-28T06:58:00.000-07:00

I love to bicycle, and part of the fun is the camaraderie with my bicycle buddies. Weekly, we’ll pedal about 18 miles through urban streets to our favorite breakfast stop, a funky little restaurant where where the oatmeal is hot, the pancakes are big, and the price is low.
Talk is always light-hearted and laugh-filled. We’re an eclectic mix of people: A dentist, a real-estate developer, a woman who cleans houses, a teacher, a brick layer, a retired mail carrier, an IT manager, a yoga teacher…what we have in common is our love of cycling. New people to the group introduce themselves by first names only, and instead of that All-American question, “What do you do?” the first question asked is usually, “So, how long you been cycling?”
If you belong to a group that is built around a particular interest—whether it’s hiking or quilting or singing barbershop harmony—you know how easily people of myriad backgrounds can get along when everyone shares a particular focus.
Today it occurred to me that all major world religions share a particular focus. At the core, all are centered on the idea of love for one another. Whether Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, or Hindus…read deeply in any sacred scriptures and a loving concern for one another is voiced.
Just for today, wouldn’t it be wonderful if people everywhere could focus on what we have in common and ignore the superficial differences that separate us? Wouldn’t it be great if we could relate to one another in the same light-hearted and generous-spirited way that I see with my bicycle buddies?
It's something to think about.

Stay wide-eyed and adventurous

2008-08-27T09:03:00.000-07:00

During the Olympics in China, I couldn't help but remember when I traveled to China 40 years ago. It was 1948. I was a little girl, island hopping across the Pacific with my mom and brother toward a country in the midst of civil war. I had no thoughts of war: I just wanted to see my daddy again. He was an Army major, stationed in Nanking with American embassy staff.
To my western eyes, China in ’48 was land of peculiar odors and exotic sights.

In Nanking, we Americans lived enclosed by a wall, and as Mao's forces drew closer, grown-ups began to warn, “Don’t go outside, children. You might run into Communists.” Peering at peasant farmers in padded jackets, I wondered “What’s a Communist?” By October, families were packing. Hurriedly, we took a night train to Shanghai. Then, unexpectedly, my brother got sick, so as others departed, we had to stay. My mom grew increasingly anxious, but I was wide-eyed and excited at the adventure of it all. At last, in November, Jacky was able to travel. On a cold, sunshiny day, we squeezed aboard a ship bound for Yokohama: evacuees from the Chinese civil war.
My father stayed in China another three months, until in March of ‘49, Mao’s troops took possession of Nanking.
It’s a far-different China today, and I have traveled far from the little girl I was in August of ’48. But here's what I have learned: all of life is an incredible journey, filled with the unexpected. Stay wide-eyed and excited by the adventure of it all. It's by far the happiest way to live.

Cracking the Egg

2008-08-13T12:32:00.000-07:00

“Look Grammy, it’s coming out!” My granddaughter’s voice held awe. We were in the Chicago Museum of Science and Technology, which is chock full of interactive “stuff” for kids to experience. Now we stood watching a chick hatch from its egg. As the egg cracked open, the chickie began to wriggle its way into the light. A few minutes later, my granddaughter tenderly held the newborn chick in her hand.

I remembered this scene as I recently read a passage from The Book of Awakening by Mark Nemo. “From the view of the chick, being hatched is a terrifying struggle. Confined and curled in a dark shell, half-formed, the chick eats all its food and stretches to the contours of its shell. Finally its own growth cracks the shell... In that moment—as its world is breaking—the chick must feel like it is dying.

“Transformation always involves the falling away of things we have relied on. We feel as if the world as we know it is coming it an end. And that world is.”Yes. I have gone through transformations, and breaking out of my shell of “what-is” into the new world of “what will-be” has involved a sense of panic and pain. Yet the struggle has always been worth it.

What is struggling to be born in you? Is this a good day to ponder that? Don’t let fear keep you in a shell that has grown too small.