Rules to Follow Once You Hit 50

While preparing a talk I'm giving next week to a group of people older than 50, I came across the following In my files. I pass it on with a smile.

"Rules to Follow at the Age of 50 and Beyond: A Baker's Dozen" 

1. Peace of mind (and a piece of property).
2. A will and a little Willpower.
3. A little black dress that makes you look five pounds thinner.
4. A sense of humor, style and purpose.
5. A good bra.
6. A good spa.
7. A library card (used often).
8. A credit card (used sparingly).
9. A personal relationship with God.
10. A personal trainer.
11. The ability to converse on any subject without benefit of concrete knowledge or access to facts.
12. A friendship that has stood the test of time.
13. A dream, and a plan to make your dream come true. 

How do we feel when a friend leaves us?

We have known each other for 35 years. And now she is leaving.  Her eyes sparkle. She and her husband are moving to Colorado to be near their grown daughters. She wants me to share her excitement.

And part of me truly does rejoice for her. But at the same time, it's all I can do to hold back my tears. I feel bereft. She’ll be gone.

We call that person who loses his father, an orphan; and a widow is someone who loses her spouse. But what of the person who knows the heartache of losing a friend? By what name do we call her? We have no special words; no rituals to express our grief. 

Losing a friend can come at any age, but somehow the loss hits us harder as we get older. Maybe it’s because, as the old saying goes, “A good friend is like a tree; it takes a long time to grow one.”

Our deepest friendships bring so much more than the social chitchat of people I call my “Friendlies.”  Anais Nin wrote, ”Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

My friend and I have had such a special world. We tell each other things we tell no one else, not our husbands, not our children, not other friends. We share our mutual spiritual journeys.  We feel safe to confess our foibles to each other. We laugh together! 

We comfort each other.  We easily say “I love you.” 

I know my friend will always feel deep affection for me, and I for her. 

But it won’t be the same.

She no longer will live 1.2 miles from me. No longer be someone I pick up to go places. No longer be the person I see almost weekly; the friend I know is “there.”

So I remind myself, 

Friendship is like

    Intertwined branches.

We grow toward the sun

    In similar fashion.

Our branches blossom.

But we are not one tree.

An Inspiring birthday story

I have had a wonderful birthday week---friends and sibs and kids all remembered my special day. At a “girlfriends” party, each of the 20 women guests shared aloud their favorite birthday memory.

My favorite story came from Ruth. Twenty years ago, she was new to the city, and had just accepted a job as the Religious Formation Director at a local church. On her birthday, Ruth didn’t yet know any people to celebrate with. But at about ten that morning, her doorbell rang. Standing outside was the pastor of the church where she had started working. He waved toward a red convertible at the curb where three women passengers sat, all waving to Ruth. “I noticed in your personnel file that today is your birthday,” he said. “So I invited three of our parishioners that I think you’ll enjoy knowing, and I’m taking you all on a birthday picnic.”

Sure enough, Fr. David had packed a picnic lunch and he and the four women enjoyed a splendid outdoor feast at a popular local park. Where did he get the convertible? He rented it! Did Ruth and the three women connect as friends? “We’re good friends to this day!” she said.

Here’s a question for you: Do you know someone who is about to celebrate a birthday? At any age, we love to be remembered on the anniversary of the day we were born. Maybe now is a good time to phone or send a birthday card.