Are you taking time to feel the Mystery?

           I was a tourist, strolling along the shore of Lake Michigan, when I spied two dots of yellow bobbing on the water. Two women, their bright yellow kayaks enclosing them like fins,  came ashore. One of the women--Louise--explained how she started kayaking.
        "I was an over-achieving workaholic, climbing the ladder of success, working 70-hours a week, with no outside life.  And then I got cancer."

          After a year of treatment, Louise had a "a whole different perspective." She began working reasonable hours and spending her weekends outdoors.  Hiking. Camping. Eventually, kayaking.
         "My illness made me realize there's more to life than business achievement. There is a profound Mystery larger than and I.  In my kayak,  I feel as if I'm part of the boat, the water, the sky, the whole Mystery." She raised her arms, brought them down, raised them again. "I give thanks as I paddle."

          "Paddle prayer?" I said.
          She smiled. "A good name for it."

         So often we get sucked into the tyranny of the urgent. Sometimes it takes a crisis to remind us that --no matter how hard we might try--we are not in complete control of life's flow.  Are you staying balanced? Don't over-focus on career.
         The next time someone says to you, "Don't work too hard," why not reply, "I won't."
And then---don't.  
          Take time to experience--and appreciate--life's Mystery.


          

Thanksgiving? Or Friendsgiving?

Friendsgiving. 

That’s the title Jeff and Chuck give to the annual November dinner to which they invite all their best friends. 

I love that word and the idea it expresses...because friends give us so much.

For some, they become family, taking the place of parents who are gone or siblings who live far away or relatives with whom we have little in common.  

How important are friends? Researchers at Johns Hopkins say that someone who lacks a circle of friends is more at risk health-wise than someone who smokes 15 cigarettes a day. 

Sometimes, life gets so busy that friendship lands on a lower rung after work demands or, if we’re parents, our kids’ activities.  We may take longtime friends for granted, assuming they’ll be there when we need them, forgetting that  true friendship is never a one-way street. Every relationship in life needs nurturing.

Maybe you won’t host a Friendsgiving party as Jeff and Chuck do. But is this a good time to think about the friends who enrich your life and to ponder how you might give back to them? 

Tired of those women's magazine telling us How to Get Rid of Belly Fat?

Last night I had dinner with women friends "of a certain age" and we lamented bodies that are  more saggy than they once were.

So when I reached home I pulled out the following quote from my book, GRACE ON THE GO: Quick Prayers for Determined Dieters.  

A Prayerful Rumination While Sitting in the Hot Tub at the Ladies Spa

Oh Lord, I almost didn’t step in 

When 

I saw her sitting there.        

Look.

Her belly is smooth satin,

Uncreased. Taut.

Unlike mine. 

Since my babies,

Mine has a more interesting texture.

Waffle weave, 

Herringbone,

Cablestitch.

It’s as comfortable as an old sweater

Whose pockets sag with treasures.

I need your help, oh Lord, 

to celebrate 

The richness of my belly

Whose fabric is so well worn.

Can you forgive a betrayer?

Have you ever experienced a betrayal by someone you loved and trusted?  
I have. 

It felt like an earthquake: the very ground beneath me shook. The betrayer was my husband and as I realized that for the previous six months we had lived an intimacy that was actually a lie, I  wept in anguished rage.

And yet...and yet...

Did I want to endlessly reside in a bitter web of anger? 

At the National Institute of Healthcare Research, Michael McCullough, PhD, developed a four-step program to help people move beyond betrayal.

Step 1: Think about times YOU have hurt others. Were you deliberately trying to hurt?

Step 2: Recall when you have been forgiven. How did you feel when you needed someone’s forgiveness?

Step 3: Visualize your aggressor’s state of mind. Explain the hurtful event from his/her perspective.

Step 4. Try and go beyond the event itself to feel the imperfect humanness of your betrayer.

As part of step 4, I began to pray each day the familiar 23rd Psalm: 
“The Lord is my shepherd.” 

Only I substituted plural pronouns, so it became 

“The Lord is OUR Shepherd, WE shall not want...” 

Praying the entire psalm this way over a period of time

helped me restore a sense of shared humanity with my betrayer.  

It helped bring into my heart an awareness that

WE-- both of us--dwell in the house of the Lord. And WE, both of us, 
are children of God. 
Forgiving a betrayer does not happen easily. It takes time. And a willing heart.
Not for the betrayer's sake but for our own.

Revising your life story

Our instructor at the writer’s workshop I’m attending-- a petite blonde novelist who has a wonderful habit of scrubbing her face with both hands when she’s making a point--is listing seven steps to take when revising your writing. 

As she speaks, I have one of those “Aha!” moments, and I burst out, “Those are the same steps I took in my post-divorce therapy!” 

The class laughs. But if revision means to re-vision--that is, to see differently--why shouldn’t the revision of one’s life parallel the revising of a written story? 

After all, your life is your story. 

Here are the seven steps:

1. Be willing to change the way you see.
2. Drop all previously held opinions, judgments, and beliefs.
3. Step back and look at the bigger picture.
4. Relax. (This might include meditation).
5. Activate your intuition. (Is your subconscious speaking to you through dreams?)
6. Invite higher ideas.
7. Allow your new vision to emerge. 

If you’re going through one of life’s transition periods, will these steps work for you?

Let's get real about our bodies!

“Impossibly thin is so ‘in,’” my friend Donna sighed. “Why wasn’t I born when Reubens was painting his full-figured women?”  Donna  has a generous body, but though  she’s a large woman, she’s not obese. She walks two miles a day five days a week, and easily lifts ten-pound weights. But Donna is obsessed with what her scale says, and hers says 172 pounds.  

   Maybe that’s why I like Queen Latifah and actress Kathy Bates. Both stay physically fit, but their bodies are as robust as their talent, and they’re not trying to “skinny down.” Why can’t we acknowledge that beautiful bodies come in all shapes and sizes? And it’s okay!

From my book, GRACE ON THE GO: Quick Prayers for Determined Dieters, here is one of my favorites:

A Prayer of YES!

Dear Lord, I say YES!

Yes to loving myself.

I am as you made me.

Unique. Extraordinary.Unparalleled. 

Dear Lord, I say YES!

Yes to healthy eating 

Being active.

Choosing right.

I surrender this area of my life to God.

Dear Lord, I say YES!